I'm bored. The highlight of the last few days has been when my nose randomly sprung a leak this afternoon. I have thus far, been unsuccessful in convincing Stormy that it is moving time. I'm pretty sure if I don't get out of this stupid room soon I'm going to pull a Jack Torrence. Shame on any of you who don't get that joke. Shame! Alright, all kidding aside, I actually do need to go stretch my legs for a bit. Stormy is sleeping, but I'm sure she won't die if I run out for a whole ten minutes.

Swear to [insert applicable deity] if I come back to Stormy's corpse I will be quite put out.

Restless

It's this feeling that's been growing for a while now. I can feel it in my very bones now. Since I decided to huddle in a motel room with Stormy it's only gotten worse. Since the talk with Ryuu yesterday, well we've been concerned. For obvious reasons of course. I mean, well if you've seen her post I'm sure you know why. Leaving her on her own right now just seems like a bad idea.

Just need to get up and do something. Anything really. She's sleeping again. Honestly, how can anyone sleep so much? She reminds me of my mom back when her depression was real bad. Heh. Once it was just my younger sister and I, and we didn't have any food. My mom was sleeping, so we stole her pack of gum and ate it. Is it bad that I'm looking back on the days where the choice between electricity and food was an actual concern fondly?

They were much simpler back then. None of this hiding in a random motel in some random city waiting for whatever is coming next.

I'm also a bit worried about Sammie. I know it's probably nothing, but it would really suck if something happened to her. And Riv. Haven't heard from Riv in a while. She'd best be ok as well.

Oh well. Not much we can do about it right now, is there?

What's been going on?

Nothing all that interesting happened today. Stormy is worried about possible proxy attacks, but I haven't seen any. Of course, because she's all paranoid, I jumped about a mile high at some construction going on outside. In other news, I found this...

I think I've found Stormy a sign-off line. One that's not punny at all. VOLCANO BAKEMEAT! What do you all think?

Le sigh

It has been something of a difficult day. Nothing particularly dangerous, or awful. Just a crappy, crappy day. I think Stormy and I have run out of steam. Too much excitement to deal with all at once. Personally, I'm blaming Riv. Not that she really did anything, I'm just blaming her. Ah, what was I saying? Yeah. I'm tired. Well, more fatigued than tired. You know how it is. Ya'll stay strong and all. I'm going to try and get some more of that sleep stuff.

I am confused.

I don't understand what's going on anymore. I'm sure ya'll have seen Reach's new post, so I don't think I need to get into detail about why I'm confused. I just don't think I understand why he's talking that way. Well, I guess I can understand. I'm not smart. I get confused be even the simplest of concepts at times. I often find myself unable to complete basic tasks necessary for survival. So you know, curveballs like "There are no Revenants, we're all just insane." kinda throw me for a loop. I don't know what to think.

On one hand, I've personally never met one. I have no personal evidence for their existence one way or another. On the other, a lot of the others have. Supposedly. Why would they make up such powerful enemies if they didn't exist? I mean, well. I'm not sure what I mean.

Say, for the sake of argument, that Reach is right. I doubt anyone would maliciously, or purposefully make up the existence of Revenants. Unless the very idea was a plant from our enemies in order to make us fear them more. I suppose that could be possible. I mean, misconceptions like this have popped up a gazillion times throughout human history. Somehow, I don't know if the whole Revenants not being real thing is better or worse than the alternative.

Conversely, Reach could just be saying things in his grief over Ava. I'm not sure how or why that would work. I mean, which is more likely, all of us are wrong, or he is? Or maybe they've gotten to him some other way.

I just don't know. Maybe I should leave the theorizing to people who have a better handle on this sort of thing.

Owwie

Kay. I know this is entirely my fault and I probably shouldn't whine about it because I made my bed and now I have to lie in it, but being hung over sucks. And that run-on, it's a fantastic run-on. Best one I've written all year. Wouldn't you agree?

Anywho, I'm all myselfy again. Done being angsty. Now I'm hungry. My tummy is making the grumbly grumbly noises! I'm gonna go find something to eat.

Bad ideas.

First of all, thanks Ryuu, for that comment you left on my other post. I feel kinda bad, being all angsty like that. But thanks. For caring and all. I'm not sure how many people would have, you know before all this started. I mean, sure they would have mourned. Probably out of courtesy, but how many of them would really care? I don't know.

I don't know why I thought this was a good idea, but I've got rum. Rum and monster. Pretty sure my heart is going to explode. Sorry if this post degrades in quality over time. I'd offer Stormy some, but she's sleeping. Besides, she's underage. (But Echo. So are you. In fact, how did you get it? You're not old enough to buy alcohol.) Fuck you. That's how.\\

Pretty sure I'm drunk at this point. Did you know that when you drink rum and mountain dew it tastes like vanilla? and if you also mix rum with mountain dew it tastes an awful lot like vanilla icecrem. Best thing ever. And if you mix Kaos monster and soco as well, the aftertaste reminds me of maple syrup. My favoriteest thing. I'm really tired, only I can't sleep. I need to snuggle. I wonder if Stormy would be ok with that. Probably not. There is a light on, but I'm not entirely sure I can trust msyelf to walk all the way over ther to turn it off. My goodness, my spelling is just atrocious. Fixing it now. Ya'll won't see how terrible my drunk spelling is. I need a cigarette. This is awful.Only not, because effort and fuck that.

Thank you Ryuu. And Stormy. And everyone else who took a moment to give a shit. thank you. I'm ashamed to say I needed it.

Hands

Tight around my neck. Crushing the life out of me. I fight, I lose. Every time. I always lose.

But there are no hands. No overpowering assailant. No crushing. No dying.

Why not?

Wouldn't it be an acceptable alternative? To all of this? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe Amelia had the right idea all along. Maybe I should be next.

I'm tired. This will all seem better after I get some sleep.

Tired

I am so tired. I don't know if I can remember the last time I got a decent night's sleep. Between my occasional bliss fits, the nightmares, and Stormy waking me up with her sleep talking and screaming in the middle of the night, I may never sleep well again. Quite frustrating, wouldn't you agree?

Ah well. Can sleep when I'm dead I suppose.

So, how bout that Japan? Terrible isn't it? Especially the assholes who are going on about how it's God's punishment for Pearl Harbor. What. Looks like somebody's forgotten about Hiroshima and Nagasaki. I've no money to donate at the moment, so I suppose the best I can do is keep it in my thoughts. Don't know how thinking about it will help, but lots of people keep telling me to do that. Guess they know what they're doing.

The third the eye movie is a black hole for joy.

Remember? Not too long ago I was all excited for no reason, and then I decided to watch The Eye Three? Remember that? Good fucking times.

I am no longer excited. That movie killed any joy I might have held. It was... so bad. There simply were no words to describe it. It was Star Wars Holiday Special bad. Hell, I think it may have been worse. I doubt I'll ever be able to experience anything akin to joy ever again. I'm going to try and sleep this off. See if that will help remind me what happy feels like.

Maniacal happiness fit

I seem to be having one.

I don't know why I'm so wired. I just feel like something really exciting is going on. This is illogical. There is literally nothing to be excited about. Everything is awful for everybody. And yet here I am, no longer allowed to jump on the bed in the cheap motel we're staying at because Stormy wants to sleep like a normal person. Sleep is for the weak! I've been bouncing around like some sort of hyperactive bunny who has been given a shit-ton of amphetamines. I don't even know if that's an apt phrase that describes things non-literally. Metaphor. That's the word I was looking for. Maybe analogy. Actually it's not a metaphor at all because I used the word 'like'. It's a simile. Simile looks a whole lot like smilie. Which is something I'm also doing. Being all smilie. Well, smily. I don't know why. Along with there being nothing to be excited about, there isn't anything to be happy about. Certainly no reason to smile.

I have a powerful craving for a cookie. I wonder if I've got any in my bag. My magical bag that contains everything! It's like a tardis! Only it's nothing like a tardis because it's not bigger on the inside and a bag and cannot travel through time and I'm not a Time Lord. UNLESS I AM! I'm not. Unless I am. Who knows? All I know is that my not-a-tardis bag doesn't have any cookies in it. Now I'm full of sadness. But I found some gum! That's like cookies, only not at all. Gum is also the French word for eraser. I'm chewing an eraser! Only it's not. Because it's gum. Language is fun. You know what else is fun? Jumping on the bed. If someone hadn't decided that it was time for sleeping, I would be doing that right now. Maybe I'll go for a run. Stormy's been doing well, and I doubt she'll go woolly on us if I step out for just a bit. It won't be too long. I've never been much good at running. Probably just around the block or so. Enough to burn off some of this energy. Or I could watch scary movies!

That's a bad idea. I shouldn't do that. I still might, if I don't find some way to amuse myself/pass out before the sun comes back up. Fuck you sun! How dare you wander off without any regard to those of us who still want to be awake and jump on beds. I should really sleep. Sleep is important. I should do more of that. But you shouldn't sleep with gum in your mouth. But I just started chewing this, and it would be wasteful to spit it out now. Decisions.

Did you know they made a third The Eye? Did you? I didn't Operation Scary Movie is go!

Nothing to do with anything part two!

Ya'll won't believe what just happened. I blew my nose and a fucking pea came out. I don't even... How? How did it get up there? Did I eat anything with peas in it today? I don't recall. Why was there a fucking pea in my nose? Why didn't I notice the fact that there was a pea in my nose? Guys. There was a pea. In my nose. There was a pea, and it was in my nose. I may never get over this. Peas don't belong in noses. They belong in tummies. Or cleverly hidden underneath mashed potatoes.

Today has been a strange day. Between the obese pigeon and my nose suddenly developing the ability to spawn vegetables, I don't know what's going on anymore.

Something that has nothing to do with anything

I saw the world's fattest pigeon today. I've never seen any wild animal that fat before. Thing was fucking obese. It was pretty funny looking. Well, I wanted to see if something that fat would fly, so I pretended I was a T-rex and chased it around a bit. It got about two feet into the air before landing. Stormy scolded me. Said I was going to give it a heart attack. I guess she wasn't impressed with my T-rex impression. I don't see why. My T-rex impression is awesome.

Raaaaaaaaawr.

Hi!

I've been a bad little blogger haven't I? Unfortunately I can't give you any real information on how Stormy and I are doing. We're still together, we're on the move (hence the lack of posting. Well I've commented on a couple blogs, but that's different. Takes less time, and I do try to keep informed. After all, everything seems to happen at once around here.), we're still alive and safe...ish. She hasn't relapsed yet, I'm feeling hopeful.

In other, much more pathetic news, I'm seriously (not really) considering buying the new pokémon game at the expense of some necessities. Like maybe food. Fuck food. Pokémon. ... Yeah. I totally sound like an addict now. Gotta get my fix. Hah. Oh well.

Anyway. Just wanted to check in. You guys stay safe.

Oh, and Frap. Just so you know, the background to your blog is the most horrifying thing I have ever seen. Thanks ever so much for raping my childhood. Jerk.

♫♪♫Train train take us away ♪♫♪

Take us far away

Cookie to those who know where that's from.

As Stormy said, she and I had a discussion about her mental status, and how likely it was that she would lose it if we tried to leave. I've decided that the risk of staying is more significant than the risk of her losing it while we were moving.

I won't say where, too paranoid just now. I'll give ya'll more details when it is safe to do so.

Update

Now that I've gotten my narcissistic whining out of the way, I'm sure many most all of you are curious about Stormy. She's finally stopped her mumbling. He hasn't shown up since his last visit. I guess with Ava on the loose he's got bigger fish to fry. I haven't felt right leaving Stormy alone since it happened, so we've been holed up in the hotel room for the past few days. Haven't gone out to buy food, so we've been living on what I brought with me. Beef jerky, trail mix, peanut butter sandwiches and the like. It's been difficult to coax her to eat, but I've been making sure she ingests something. Although, the first few times she just threw it right back up. She's kept the sandwich I gave her an hour ago down. I guess that means she's getting better. As Smithy said, all I can do is keep her alive. She'll have to do the rest on her own.

Also, Riv isn't happy with my decision to leave her to her own devices. She can just cope, I've got more important things to deal with, and she was the dumb shit who got herself stuck in jail in the first place. I'm pretty sure it's her first offense. The judge should go pretty easy on her. She'll probably just get community service or something. I'm sure it will work out. Sorry Riv.

Nightmares

I've been having them. Well, one recurring one. Every time I try to get some sleep I'm woken up by them. I've only gotten about three hours of sleep these past few days because of them. Between Stormy and the lack of sleep, I might just lose my mind. Hmph.

To understand the nightmares, I'll have to give you all a bit of background. I'm afraid I haven't been completely honest with you all, and for that I am sorry. I didn't just stumble into this. I didn't find some blogs and just decide to do what I can to help out. That isn't how it went down. I'm not that good of a person. Hell, if that were the case, I probably wouldn't have joined the rest of you at all. Just told myself that it was all an elaborate game. buried my head in the sand. Lived the rest of my life in peace. Oh well. Nothing I can do about it now. I probably should have been more honest from the beginning. Better late than never I suppose.

A little over two and a half years ago (it'll be three in July) a friend of mine killed herself. I didn't understand why at the time. By all accounts she was a happy kid, if a bit odd. She hated forests, always looking over her shoulder. Oddest of all, she wouldn't let anyone look at her notebooks. Not even when I was helping her study for a test. She would always keep me from seeing what she had written. I just figured she had stories written there or something. I do the same thing, not let anyone read what I've written until I'm sure it's finished. Well, not so much anymore, but when I was her age. She was fourteen when she died. Just a kid. Fuck this is hard to talk about.

I did catch a glimpse of her notebook once. It looked fairly normal, history notes with assorted doodles. You know how it is, and I'm sure you can tell where I'm going with this. One of the doodles was an operator symbol. I didn't know it at the time. It seemed insignificant. I forgot about it.

Anyway, she didn't leave a note. No one knew why she did it. It ate at me. I researched it as best I could. Any reason why she might have done it. Of course, I wasn't very close with her family. It wasn't like I could just ask her family to let me examine her room for clues. I looked at her myspace, asked her closest friends, read psychological journals on the subject. I came up with interesting theories, but no definite answers. The only one who could tell me for sure had died.

Then I found Marble Hornets five months ago. I don't know if it's real or not, but it brought back memories. For instance, the operator symbol I mentioned earlier. It took me a while to connect the two, but when I did I started to look into these blogs. All the pieces were falling into place. The fear of trees, the sleeplessness, the paranoia. It made sense. That's when I made this blog. I said it was to help. So that there would be no more Amelias.

But that was a lie. Well, not exactly. I do want to help. I do want to keep anyone else from ending up like Amelia. But mostly I want revenge. I want to make the monster that drove a fourteen year old girl to suicide suffer for what he did. I want Him to pay. Any lives saved in the process will just be a nice bonus. If Robert is right killing Him will definitely end it. This has to end.

Anyway, now that you all know about Amelia you'll understand the nightmares. I've had a similar nightmare since the funeral. I walk into the funeral house, it's empty aside from her casket. As I approach it to pay my final respects, she wakes up. They paint the corpses you know? So it looks like they're just sleeping. I still see it sometimes, when I close my eyes. Amelia sleeping in that box. I look at her for a moment, tell her that I'm sorry. Then she wakes up and tells me that I'm next. Then the funeral home catches fire, the doors are locked and for some reason I can't smash the windows. I die in that fire.

Well, as of late there have been a few augmentations to that nightmare. Firstly, instead of the uneasy silence there's that fucking tapping noise. I don't look, but I know He's standing outside the window. Watching me. Amelia wakes up, and tells me that I should have left it alone. That she kept silent about it to keep anyone else from ending up like her. Then she tells me that I have a choice to make. To end it all like she did, or to be killed by Him and his minions. "Hunted down and killed like an animal" was her exact phrasing I believe. Then the fire, and then I wake up.

Every time.

I wish there were some way I could have helped her. There's nothing I could have done. Even now, there's nothing I can do. Is there? Nothing except for me to keep going. Keep running. Keep fighting. We'll end this. I promise you, Amelia.

Keymash Keymash Keymash

Why is it everything always seems to happen at once?

To anyone who's interested, Stormy is... alive. That's about the best I can do. I've kept her wounds clean and bound. It's the best I can do for now. As for her mental state, well you've all seen her post. She's been talking about trees and the like all day. Not gonna lie, it's starting to creep me out. If anyone's got any ideas on how I can help her, I'm all ears. Heh. That's a funny saying. All ears.

I'm sorry. I couldn't sleep last night. Tap tap tap all fucking night long. And Stormy mumbling mumbling about the trees and echos, and seriously. Getting fucking creepy. We both got a couple points knocked off our SAN scores last night. I haven't cracked yet, but another night like that one... We have to move, but I don't know if I can move her yet. Anyway, I musta passed out at some point, because I don't remember Stormy borrowing Sir Lappington to post her riddley... whatsit. I do remember... a dream I guess. Could have been a visual hallucination. It couldn't have been real. Could it? I don't know anymore. I can't tell. Oh god...

Ava is back. Yaaaaaaaaay. Finally some good news. Of course, we'll have to be wary for the time being. It could be a trap of some kind. I really don't want it to be.

Last, but certainly not least Riv is in jail. Yeah. She called me last night, but I was mid-freak out and it went to voice mail. Long story short, she got pulled over for speeding and apparently you can do jail time for driving without a license in PA. Who knew? Anyway, I don't know what I'm going to do about that. It might be best to leave her in there until this thing with Stormy has blown over. I don't know. I need some fucking sleep.

I've found a new sound that will haunt my nightmares for-fucking-ever. the sound of tentacles gently tapping on a window. It's been like this since my last post. he's been standing outside the window. should have gotten a room on a higher floor. Stupid ECho. Stupid. I remember Ava used to close the blinds on Him, I thought it would help. It hasn't. That fucking noise. I don't even know if he's still there. It could just be me having another episode. I can't check. too scared. I'm sure you all understand.

Riv, DO NOT COME TO NEW YORK. You're safer where you are. Please, I'm sorry I got you into this. Just stay safe. Please stay safe.

Shit fuck fucking fuck fuck fuck.

Stormy's been hurt. I'm not a doctor. I have no idea how bad it is. There's blood, and bruising and more blood and she seems traumatized, and I don't know what to fucking do about it. The trauma, I have learned basic first aid. Of course, me and my dumbshit self didn't grab a first aid kit. First thing I'm picking up tomorrow. I've been using towels to stop the bleeding and such. Anyway, coherent. From the beginning.

So, here's how it went down. Stormy went out for a walk, as I'm sure ya'll know. So, the mythology bullshit has been annoying me for a few days now. I haven't found any decent information since I found that stupid rune. I'm thinking it could be a dead end. Anyone who feels like proving me wrong, please do. I'm done with it. Instead, I was looking up amusing pictures on that imgur site. I dunno how long it was, bout an hour give or take. Anyway, after a while I get this feeling that someone was standing outside the door. After the Proxy Incident I've started trusting that paranoid prickly feeling. I open to door to see Stormy, standin there all dazed like. Mublin about trees and shit. Honestly, I'm amazed she made it back to the hotel room. Way she was, didn't look like she was aware of anything at all.

Anyway, so she was wounded. Big ol' gashes on her arm and chest. Her other arm has a pretty nasty scrape, she's got some bruising. I've managed to stop the bleeding, but as I said I'm not a doctor. She may need stitches or something. Oh, that's going to be fun to take care of. Anyway, as of right now I cannot foresee getting her to a hospital or something similar right now. She's curled up in a corner mumbling about trees. Fuck.

Alright. I'll post again when I know what happened. Shit.